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Monday, February 21st 2005

4:25 AM

I'm ashamed to admit that this is a piece of mine. It's just that bad. I think i need to fix it just to re-asser the fact that I am capable of writing.

This is a one step two step dance
I'm about to bow out when you step in
I didn't plan for...
I didn't expect...
Was I supposed to expect this?
Wherefore when and how did this happen?
I step back and I realize,
Was I really so undeserving,
Was I really so lost and alone?
Or was it a vicious mental mirage?
Self-designed and decidedly evil.
This one step two step dance,
Wherefore when and how....
Did the soothsayers' planets align?
Or maybe lady luck didn't realize whom she stood by.

This is a one step two step dance
I'm about to bow out when you step in
I didn't plan for...
I didn't expect...
Was I supposed to expect this?
Wherefore when and how did this happen?
Was I really so undeserving?
Was I really so lost and alone?
Or was it, simply, a vicious mental mirage?
Self-designed and decidedly evil.
This is a one step two step dance,
Did the soothsayers' planets align?
Or maybe lady luck didn't realize whom she stood by.
Why question luck, and why question fortune?
Fortune favors the brave, or so they say.
I wish to be fortune's friend...
Therefore I shall be brave.



Wow ok so the first one sucked and then the edit of it sucked, but not quite so hardcore... damn oh well,  I can't expect everything to be above the pretty good range. Comments for improvement would be greatly apprecciated.

~Bryce Leo
11 Comment(s).

Posted by Miss.May:

To be completely honest, dearest, I liked the first better. I don't think you should ever revise your writing, as your writing is your thoughts/feelings and they shouldn't be edited. Although, both were great and actually seem like a good start to a song :)
Tuesday, February 22nd 2005 @ 12:23 AM

Posted by Andrew Kempe:

i think revision is a necissary part of the process... write with your heart, no matter how rambling, revise with your head, and you will have something as beautiful as it is true. As for the work, not the best i've seen on here, but I have seen many people try and pass off shittier stuff as good poetry haha. Much love, Andy.
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